my random musings, now in words.
Gosh, 11 days?!
Remember those bad habit of yours, being envious towards genetically blessed persons around you, and your damned insecurities start to jump behind your back, making you feel like you are a dead (but born again) loser? But that nasty habit of yours wont disperse anytime sooner, no? Remember those days at school, when you’re with your lousy backpack, thinking that that’s the most extraordinary thing you own but as you arrived at school, them cool ones are carrying those Roxy bags like LVs?? Remember that? And then you’ll have that urge to buy one for yourself, because maybe maybe if you do, they can be your friends. Sort of. You can’t run away from thinking about that possibility, can you?
And then came Uni. And look at them! All dolled up so nicely. And look at you! Unfitted jeans and some old stretchy top of yours. Loser. And look at them! All super skinny straight out from the glossies. Their hair bouncing so gracefully in beautiful shades of auburn, and there you are, a thick girl. With your trustable 30bucks worth of rattan tote. And so you think you’re cool.
How can you run away with all these? They are beautiful! They can afford Topshop for Sir Green’s sake! And you can’t! And to make it all worse, its factual! Remember 1997? When everyone dreams of becoming as pretty as Britney? I was one of them. But I never did became Britney. Not even close.
So does that means I’m never gonna be pretty like them? Oh this is pathetic. Remember when Christina made a song about this shit, and everyone starts to think that ‘Hoyeah, we must embrace our flaws. Maybe we are ugly but we are definitely not fugly‘ yada yada yada. I say fuck that. They don’t make concealers for nothing, right?
So to all them pretty ones out there. I’d say thank you. Thank you for making me feel overly jealous when you walk past me with your amazeballs outfits (yep including your high-waisted pants us thick girls can never look good in) and for having skinny frames which pushes me to go to the max on vegetarianism (and often failed). Because of you, I know where I stand. So thank you. My wish is to become like Megan Fox and succeeds. But for now, I wanna be nicely clothed and skinny like you. And I mean that from the most sincere place in my heart.