my random musings, now in words.

12 days to Twenty

Imma talk about how art manages to become a platform of  my escapism.

Bear with me. Please.

It’s amazing how a person can change when he found out what drives him to stay awake in life. To stay sane amidst all the shit he has to go through. To remind himself that he has a deep passion in something he loves to do, and he ain’t gonna give it up just because people are against him as he’s going to fight for it no matter what.

Sometimes I question myself, why did God gave me such interest in acting and music. I can’t thank God enough for blessing me with two picky pairs of ears for me to listen flaws in a music piece, or a very elastic diaphragm so that I can project my voice as loud and clear as I could on stage, or the stress button that is constantly turned on whenever I worked on my art. There are times, when I try to look at myself as a different person, I always wonder what does it feels like being a somebody who are masters in their own field, or posses expertise in a certain area of life. It is funny to think that I sometimes question myself on how long will this passion in acting and music will burn in myself. I’ve been to productions where the directors told me that I am not good enough, not funny enough or worse, not talented enough. It’s fine for me, even though my definition of fine often co-relates with the term depression.

I’ve asked God sometimes, why am I blessed with this interest in acting and music, when clearly I am shitty in both. Also, why am I still fighting for this when I have a bunch of people who are doubting my abilities. And finally, why I am still working on my art when people (them nasty people around me) are trying to manipulate me to think that I am worthless, and better off handling something else in a production rather than pouring my soul and direction for it. It is intense. Definitely it is.

What I’m gonna do now is to put my chin up and embrace the middle finger to all the people out there who favours to condemn misfits like me and others. I’ve arrived to a conclusion that as long as I live, there’ll be more people who might be interested to have me working with them, instead of them shitty ones who are just to scared to have me in their presence because maybe I am just too intimidating to them. I was twelve when I first acted in this school sketch thing in front of 200+ people, and I will never forget that moment, even though the story that I’ve written for the sketch did not win us anything. But it definitely won us satisfaction. Me, myself and I, at least. I don’t want to call myself as a creative person per se, but all I want to say is that, not many people understands me for who I am. For what I breathe with and for what reasons I looked forward in life to. In short, its your lost for not having me. Imma fight for other things in life rather than waiting for you to discover that you’ve made a huge mistake. Just sayin brahh. Now let us hold hands and sing.


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This entry was posted on October 16, 2010 by in MY CONCERNS.

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