my random musings, now in words.
But does it even matter anymore?
Is there a way for me to love myself again? How can you dig for the strength you once had, in order to love yourself again? Is that even possible anymore? Will you do it for love? Or just to keep sane?
Everything comes down to the person whose blood flows in me. Who have no trust in me. Who never accepts me for who I am and dictate me to follow her mold.
And those who never know the meaning of appreciation. Never know about it, and never will.
Those who think that they are all that.
Those who thinks that the world practically revolves around them, the type who wants to make you suffer, in a hope that they can see you rise again, so that they can push you down all over again, till the whole sick process kills you.
And finally, those who always think that they can do whatever they want to you (degrade you, mistreat you, etc), like you are some computerized emotion machine because they are just toooo full of themselves.
Before my insecurities kill myself, I better kill these people first.
Maybe the life that I am leading to is my own play. My own secret production. When I pretend to be blissful when obviously things are shattered inside. When all I did is caring for someone else, when that particular person never did the same. Stop saying you care for me. Stop saying that you are a ‘text’ away, and when we chat you’ll expect me to ask you questions, when you never did the same to me. What am I? Your personal interviewer? Is that how things are now? By asking, and not informing?Or maybe I am just an ungrateful brat? You like that term? Hmm? Me too. UNGRATEFUL BRAT. YEAH.
Man I’m psychotic. And I’m sorry.