my random musings, now in words.

I cried. And i cried a little bit more.


If only life is as easy as eating a bowl of laksa.

Last Monday, I was called up and was told beforehand that I am shortlisted to go to the second stage for some niffy scholarship I applied for earlier, around August. This scholarship is really killing me, for some reason. It is, first and foremost a mentally and emotionally challenging task, and mind you, there’s like four bloody stages i have to  undergo, to qualify myself as the perfect fit for the scholarship programme.

And, i forgot to mention it’s sort of a niffy leadership programme, where the scholarship fund is just the perks. Get what i mean? It’s like, if i got this scholarship, I need to know that I am in a leadership training boot camp, that is made compulsory for me to undergo, and the $$ that I will get , for them is just the perk. They are looking for real leaders ya know? And the question is, am I one of them? I know I’m a bit bossy *cough cough, but it’s not the same, no?

It’s a fully tiring day of group assessments, and at the end of the day, the people from the management of the scholarship reminded us on what we will be in once we are qualified to be offered the coveted scholarship.

1) I need to maintain my CGPA of 3.5 at least for every semester.

2) I gotta be active in my extra-curricular activities in Uni.

3) I am made compulsory to attend all the leadership programmes made for me throughout my 4 years studying during school holidays and weekends.


I don’t want to talk much bout this scholarship that I applied for, but i am aware that if i successfully get the scholarship, than i will face my days after my graduation, working with them for another 4 years. Prestige yes, but then …


Suddenly I am jealous over Miley Cyrus, or the Olsens or whoever in this life who had a great career since they were a kid, of anyone who had a silver spoon in their mouth since they were born. I am jealous. I mean, if I somewhat get the scholarship , that means NO MORE theatre rehearsals for me (bcz obvz its on the weekends, no?) No more thrilling life on stage. No more. And to make it worse, i gotta sacrifice  my 4 years working with them.Hmm.

So yeah, i know sacrifice are one of those things needed to achieve success. So during my ride home from the assessment, I was talking to myself…

God, if acting is made for me, and I am made for acting, can you please ease my way?

Oh, what have I lead my life into?


2 comments on “I cried. And i cried a little bit more.

  1. FaizSo
    October 31, 2009

    1st, bout ur upcoming exm, break a leg…
    2nd, i really think that u’ll becme a good actor…
    3rd, Rihanna’s latest single is so hot…
    4th, u should watch Jennifer’s Body…

    • asille
      November 3, 2009

      my rmmates were crying (ok over dramatic, i know) bout th fact tht Jen’s Body sucks. so i’m out.heh. but ovbz i wanted to watch th mvie sbb ada budak y act as her bestie tuh, y kat Mamma Mia tuh. (haha tetiba.)


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This entry was posted on October 28, 2009 by in MY CONCERNS.

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